The Radical Christianist Newt Gingrich (the new moral voice in Jesus’ Favorite Country) is very agitated over this awful “Radical Islamic” Center in New York, near the “holy zero ground” where those monster muslims knocked down our pretty towers. The Newtster is leading the very loud, very self-righteous, very tea-stained crowd of anti-obamanationists to stop this outrage. After all, we all know (at least all true patriots) that Islam is Evil and wants to take America back for Allah–or Saudis. What is happening here, thanks to Mr. Gangrene and his faithful minions of bible-tarians, is that we are preparing for the ultimate smackdown: Jewsus (yes, he was a Jew) will wrestle Muhammad in the middle of NYC for the heavy-weight God championship of the world and the universe. We can’t forget that “holy ground” means a patch of real estate where My God Wins and Yours Loses. ‘Mericans love their hallowed ground and can’t wait for the next Memorial Site to honor more of our growing (never-ending) list of Heroes. . .though to many of us secular heathen folk it seems quite “hollowed ground” when reason may tell us that there are heroes everywhere and all the earth is “sacred” at least as honorable dirt to be respected.
OK. So who says that NYC is more holy anyway just because “we was ‘tacked” therein? The pontificating prophet with the name of a tiny cute-but-slimy salamander, wants his nation back, his city, his ground, his chunk of un-real estate. OK, give it to him. Give all the holy ground back to those who know how to be good stewards of sacred soil. The evidence is clear: these protectors of pious patriotism are the most efficient and cheerful handlers of the holy. Just look how they deftly handle the Constituent-ution and the faith of our founders (who were, we all know it deep in our soils/souls, radical christianists), and “true” American history.
An islamic center (with a pool!) a few blocks from “The New Holiest Site in America”? I don’t see the problem. The new “ground zero” museum will already have pieces of the bible and plenty of references to faith and heroics. And, we can be confident that the Triumph of Christianity Over Islam will be proven when Jesus beats the hell out of Muhammad. Distant applause? Oh, sighs. . .